Getting to know thyself, thy authentic, untamed, erotic Self
communicating your knowledge of self, creating what you really want
As much as it is about the surrendering for the Woman, the feminine principle, the surrender into the opening, the letting go of boundaries, fear, contractions in order to receive life, the other, the lover. There is also some ground that has to be covered for a lot of us women, before that can happen.
How can we create an environment that is conducive to the highly sensitive feeling- system, that our feminine body is? How can we evoke a trusting atmosphere for her nervous system to relax and for any hardening, numbing or sense of separation to give space to surrender into her erotic potential?
The other day I offered myself to a friend, who is in training in sexological bodywork. Her task for the week was to give someone a daoist based, erotic massage. It was very beautiful, holy and connected. We set the table up outside on the deck in the spring breeze, surrounded by trees and the magnificence of the earth and the sky.
After a while she asked me how I would like my breasts to be touched, I tuned in to myself and told her, what first needed to happen before I even wanted more touch on my breast. And so we went on: her asking me, or me offering up what I felt like receiving next and then I also just let go into the intuitive flow of her touch. At times I had to ask for a pause, to just be and assimilate the arousal that was happening through me. We practiced different ways of breathing which was very helpful too.
Receiving this session really helped me to see more clearly how empowering it is, to speak out my desire, to share my self-knowIedge with my lover or my practice buddy.
This is about getting to know oneself on that deep erotic level,
This is about finding out what it is, that makes Her shine and sparkle
This about finding the voice to ask for what She knows will bring Her into connection with her deep flow and with Him/Her consequently.
It’s also about letting go of the dream that there will be that ‘knight in shining armour’, that ‘amazing tantric man/woman’, who will awaken Her from her frozen slumber.
Women can do a lot by themselves to de- freeze, re-sensitise their bodies, their breast, hearts and yonis. And the better She knows herself the easier it will be to surrender and receive from a lover and to enter a deep and full filling space together.
This is very dear to my heart, to offer that support to Woman, to find Her voice and bring Her self-knowledge to Her Lover without criticizing or shutting Him/Her down. To inspire and invoke an atmosphere of sweetness, connection and exploration with less attachment to the outcome.
Womanly fluctuations towards Menopause
Help! I’m changing and I don’t know what into!
5th of October 2016
Today I had a 47 year old woman coming for her first shiatsu treatment with me. I was listening to her as she was sharing about her stress levels in life; (two boys, own business, household ) and how she feels challenged by her husband and his demands and expectations. I could relate very deeply from my own experience with the time leading up to menopause, called peri menopause. And I have heard similar accounts from other clients and friends entering this transition.
As we, usually women from mid 40 ties to early fifties enter into this phase of life our relationship to our sexuality and intimate desire changes a lot.(It can start even much earlier!) As the hormones change so do we. A disorientation might rise in our being, maybe tiredness, liverish snappiness or even explosions, migraines, vaginal dryness, hot flushes….we kind of don’t recognise ourselves anymore.
Ideally we give ourselves a lot of space, have some time out, rest, be, potter. This will allow us to go with the change, unravel our nervous system and stress levels.
Nowadays as we have kids later in life and/or are working to support ourselves or our families this spaciousness is often not easy to establish. It is like this for my client; two boys 10 and 14 years old, shares a business with her husband and household. Hence there s a lot of stress, not sleeping well, not feeling sexual. The expectations of the husband, lover, companion or boyfriend of sharing intimately are in this phase less reciprocated. It is a time of introspection, getting to know oneself on a much deeper level, finding out how this woman wants to live her life in order to be happy, vibrant and in her truth. Aspects of life that she might have been able to be ok with in the past, are no longer acceptable. She is refining herself, coming into a deeper alignment to her true self.
And when we tell the man that we need space for ourselves that we are entering this big transition into menopause, that we need space for ourselves, it’s often difficult for him to really hear us.
It’s a deeply feminine truth about cycles; cycles in our bodies and cycle in life, in nature.
This change through menopause has a very bad reputation/ wrapping in our society. The celebration of youth, looks, sex doesn’t make it easy for a woman to accept and trust the incoming newness of the next cycle. Though It’s hard for the man too to hear woman not least because he can’t solve it, he can’t do anything about it. Can he just be with it?
I feel that firstly it’s me, it’s us women, we have to be able to just be with it. Can we access the different emotions and feelings that keep moving through us? Can we accept our changing nature? Honour our journey so far, the way we lived our life so far? Can we allow the grief of loosing our younger self, specially the changing of our body? The grief of not having lived fully or in full integrity or in full receptivity, power, juiciness ? Whatever it is, each of ours idea of what we are loosing.
Our grief and loss once owned and felt, we might be able to settle into this transition a bit deeper and find some ground in this changing nature. And then the man might be able to follow.
For me I felt the grieve about loosing my attractiveness, my desire and being desired, getting older, looking differently. Not being noticed by man so much anymore. The irregular bleeding, I bled last year over a few months every 2-3 week, not big bleeds but still I lost a lot of energy through it. It frazzled my being, cooked my brain. I felt only half present. I could easily still hold space for the embodiment practice that I teach but activate my brain to think creatively – no!
I feel like I’m in a quite fortunate position as a Tigress; sacred feminine Yoga teacher and shiatsu practitioner but I also have a 7 year old son, a household which I share with a companion, a garden and acreage. I didn’t cope very well last year, I didn’t do this first part of my transitioning very graciously and elegantly! I had 3 accidents, 2 minor ones and then at the end of the year a bigger one in which I partly raptures my Achilles’ tendon, completely self inflicted. This slowed me down a lot – finally! Having to give myself permission to rest and to rest and rest some more. To acknowledge for myself; ‘I’m changing and I don’t know what into ‘ and letting men in my life know ‘I’m changing and I don’t know what into and how long it s going to take’
Now 10 months after the Achilles’ tendon rupture I m blossoming into my next phase, feeling inspired and grounded in a very new way. But my nervous system is very delicate and I feel it when I have a lot on – not sleeping well, tiredness, loosing clarity of heart can easily happen in those moments.
And I know that I only just did the first step into this transition. Many more hormonal changes to come, many more wild and slow rides to experience till I m settled on the other side as one of the wise ones 😉
I ‘m glad and I don’t even know exactly what it was, how it happened but I know the willingness to be with it and to listen in is paramount. The slowing down and following my intuition in getting support from my own practices, practitioners and friends is helping to balance all of me.
In the middle of it all, when it gets really wild and unbearable at times I try to stop and receive the gifts. The gift of atuning so much deeper to my truth, my essence, to who I really am. The gift of compromising less and exploring not to give myself away anymore, the subtleties of energetics. The gift of holding my ground. The gift of fokus onto what I really love, what opens me up, inspires me and gets my energy flowing.
I’m wishing you all a very safe and self loving transition, Dear Beautiful Women out there. May you honour yourself and trust that it’s a very important transition you have entered and it will take you to somewhere powerful, shamelessly powerful, blossoming in new ways and loving yourself and life passionately and compassionately!
Into the centre of my life
Repercussions of a flyer
21st of July 2016